I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
