Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
