so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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