So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
even my farts smell like vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
