i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
did you just send me my own nude
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
