gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the raccoons are back...
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