This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
