I skipped work to stalk him.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
