I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
