so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have fence marks all over my body
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
