Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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