Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
