She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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