Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
