my mouth tastes like poor choices
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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