i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
