so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
