Are we in a gay sports bar?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
