remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
