so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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