I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
