This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
