U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
