I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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