Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my liver is dry heaving
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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