Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
