Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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