just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
