After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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