It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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