what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
