It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
