Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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