Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
