He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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