its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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