Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just forgot I was standing up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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