Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
