Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
