with your own penis?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
