I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
