after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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