So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
