new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
