Plan B is the new Plan A
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I see more hoeing in ur future
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
