i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
