When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
