How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
