he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
