Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
